Does anyone have a plus-one to Boris and Carrie Johnson’s wedding party? I’d like to go. It would be a pleasure to experience the most scandalous wedding celebrations on public record. The cake? Stolen from a food bank. The dress? Crafted from £4bn worth of unused PPE. The guest list? Russian oligarchs and sex pests only.
I commend the tireless work of my colleagues, across publications, who have been instrumental in not only plunging the knife into Johnson’s premiership, but firmly gripping the handle and twisting it. Because hour by hour, another petty humiliation arises for our spineless Prime Minister and the luxury-loving Carrie Antoinette. Even last month, it was reported the pair planned a £150,000 tree-house for their son at Chequers, with discussions to have David Brownlow, a Tory donor, fund the project. But when Johnson said he would stay on as PM until autumn, the generous-minded could imagine that Johnson, in a crisis of conscience, truly wanted to be a “caretaker” for the country until his replacement was decided.
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