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  1. The Weekend Report
4 March 2023

If the EU could speak, what would it say?

Eurocrats think museums can solve the union’s communication problems.

By Will Lloyd

A seduction was the first event in European history. Not a betrothal, nor a romance, certainly not a meeting of equals. A seduction with a seduction’s long tail: false promises, betrayal, ruin.

Europa was a bored Phoenician princess. One day she was gathering flowers with her servants when she saw a white bull. The animal was Zeus, who had spied on Europa from his palace in Crete. After dwelling on her beauty, Zeus being Zeus, he transformed into a bull. Perhaps Europa had never seen a bull before and, curiosity overcoming fear, caressed the creature that appeared before her. Perhaps bull-Zeus snuck up on her, and hooked her onto his back with his fake horns. Either way, Europa was soon riding the bull across the sea to Crete. When they arrived, Zeus revealed himself and gave her gifts. She was crowned: the first European queen.

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