I am both extremely good and extremely bad at wasting time. Good if you’re measuring success via the quantity of time wasted – I probably have about two or three productive hours in an entire day. Bad if you’re judging via the quality of time wasted – though I spend my days playing video games, diving into obscure internet forums, and (on one occasion we shan’t talk of again) watching episodes of Neighbours from 2002, I never fully enjoy myself. Instead, my brain spends every wasted moment reciting mean mantras: you are a worthless idiot, you are a stupid bitch.
My time-wasting is so severe that I’ve been known to procrastinate leisure – to put off actually having fun. I might’ve finished work for the day and want nothing more than to sit down and watch, say, Citizen Kane (this is a lie to make up for the Neighbours thing), but instead I lie in bed watching clickbait YouTube videos. Yes, although I have an Olympian’s stamina for time wasting, I am a Year 8 pupil on Sports Day when it comes to enjoying my wasted time.
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