How much is too much? And how much is not enough? We’re talking about fun – and the British media’s finely calibrated gauge of how much anyone in politics should be having of it, at any given time.
Right now, Keir Starmer is working hard on his public image of national fun sponge. His recent “I never promised you a rose garden” rose garden speech warned of a “painful” Budget due to the last government’s Viv Nicholson (“spend, spend, spend”) approach to the economy. It was all delivered with the grim satisfaction of a plumber assessing your boiler: “Which joker did this? It’ll all need ripping out.”
The Mail’s Quentin Letts noted the speech’s “crepuscular gloom”. Coming amid plans to means test pensioners’ winter fuel allowance, the leaked proposal to ban smoking in pub gardens and the early release of 2,000 prisoners on 10 September, it plunged the nation into an end-of-the-holidays despondency.
Not so for the Deputy PM, Angela Rayner, who a day later was filmed dancing in a DJ booth on the party island of Ibiza. What a conundrum for the British media: while Starmer was demonstrating insufficient fun, Rayner (or Angela Raver as she instantly became) was having way too much. Nadine Dorries, scandalised by Rayner dancing in a “scarlet” (“red” would have sufficed) dress, wrote in the Mail: “This behaviour demeans her office.” Cue a million reminders on social media of Dorries’ ostrich-anus munching on I’m a Celebrity… while parliament was sitting and she was an MP.
The Sun dispatched a reporter to the scene of the dancing where they discovered – brace yourself – drugs. In a club. In Ibiza. (What I found immeasurably more shocking was the price of the bottle of water she was drinking in the video. £11? For a small bottle of water?) As for the British media’s answer to the “How much is too much?” question, the answer is almost always: “Not more than me.” Hence the Camerons’ annual trips to Cornwall, where they trailed round wet fish markets. Keir Starmer is the kind of guy who relished cagoule-clad holidays in the Lake District long before life in No 10. Once inside, one of his first acts was to slash summer recess. Then he forsook his own hols entirely to deal with the riots.
Across the Atlantic, Kamala Harris has built her campaign for the presidency on “joy”, to some effect. Now Labour insiders fear Starmer has overplayed the Gradgrind routine and it’s time to ease off. Shine a few watery rays of hope.
But these are serious times for serious people and we were all sick of the Tories’ tragicomedy. Yet sometimes, just sometimes, you need to dance like no one with an iPhone is watching.
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The reunion of Liam and Noel Gallagher for an Oasis stadium tour next summer realised the dreams of fans, ticket-industry bosses and headline writers in equal measure. Initially, speculation over whether the rumoured concerts would go ahead was met with pretty much universal agreement: “Definitely, Maybe.”
When the gigs were confirmed, so was pun mania. “Shambles Supernova”, proclaimed the Sunday Mirror when the online booking system crashed, and customers ended up paying twice what they had anticipated due to surge pricing – “Fans look back in anger”, added the Mail.
The government’s leaked plans to ban smoking in public places became a “No Cigarettes & Alcohol” splash in the Sun. A good performance for Erling Haaland was “He’s Electric” (the Sun) and “Gotta roll with it” (the Mirror). Please, God. Make. It. Stop.
Yet special recognition goes to Scotland’s Sunday Mail which revealed the SNP Health Secretary, Neil Gray, was trying to buy Oasis tickets while attending a discussion about Alzheimer’s at his party’s conference. The headline: “Look Nat in Anger”.
As for me – well, thanks to my friend’s incredible online patience we got tickets. What can I say? I’m feeling supersonic.
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BBC News’s recent signing from Sky, Joe Pike, landed a proper scoop when he revealed poor conditions for tenants in flats owned by Labour’s new Ilford South MP, Jas Athwal. Athwal, who had called himself a “renters’ champion” was revealed weeks ago to be the biggest landlord in the new parliament, owning 15 rental properties. But when Pike investigated, a picture emerged of ant infestations, mould on ceilings and dirty communal areas.
The PM angrily denounced the situation as “unacceptable” but has not said if Athwal could lose the whip. If this government is to be taken seriously on its desire to improve the lives of renters, Mr Athwal should have felt the full force of party discipline.
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What would a world without X feel like? With increasingly extreme posts from the platform’s owner, Elon Musk, and a collapse of moderation, many are wondering. On 31 August 40 million Brazilians found out, when it was banned following ongoing battles with the Lula da Silva government over disinformation and Musk’s support for the former president Jair Bolsonaro. Some Brazilians are turning to alternatives such as Threads and Bluesky. But if Musk worries losing Brazil is bad for business, there’s worse news – Gary Lineker, who has eight million followers, says he has been put off X, calling it a “very unpleasant world”.
The tide has already turned on it – the question is just which platform washes up next.
Alison Phillips was editor of the Daily Mirror 2018-24
[See also: The BBC has finally grasped how to manage a scandal]
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This article appears in the 04 Sep 2024 issue of the New Statesman, Starmer under fire