You’re the Conservative candidate for East Yorkshire and you really want to get your message out there. And you know just what to do.
You whack on your smartest baggy cream chinos and teal tie. You undo the top button of your oversized suit jacket.
You walk, like a sentient sad tree, into your constituency office.
You read out party slogans one after the other, like a haunting shopping list dirge. You stand with your arms sticking to your side throughout, Pingu in repose, staring resolutely above and a little to the right of a camera – as if Theresa May is just out of shot, pointing a water cannon at your feathery hair – held aloft by a wobbly office lackey who is presumably wielding a flimsy A4 autocue in the other hand.
Then you wait for the beat to kick in.
“YOU’VE GOT ACCOUNTABILITY,” bellows the Eighties pop-inspired anthem, as your intern zooms their old smartphone shakily, Blair Witch meets The Office, into a picture of a campaign poster taped onto the wall.
“WITH CONSERVATIVE DELIVERY. MAKE SURE THIS TIME YOU GET IT RIGHT/VOTE FOR GREG KNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.”
And that, dear internet user, is how you go viral.
Watch it here:
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