So here we go, the opening scene of the first episode of the new series of House of Cards, which Ben and I have been waiting for avidly. It opens in a prison cell. Here’s a character we’ve met before, I’m sure of it: I recognise him. Who is he, though? What’s he done? Why’s he in prison? I can’t remember any of this, nor, indeed, much of the plot of the last series, but I’m sure I’ll pick it up as we go along. He’s on a top bunk talking to himself – ooh no, hang on, he’s reciting some kind of porn scenario.
The camera pans down to the bunk below, where his cellmate is furiously masturbating, and I do mean furiously, and at this point Ben and I both glance anxiously at the sitting-room door, hoping no kids are about to walk through it.
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