Sienna Miller has a lot to answer for. This summer, the actress – the girlfriend of Jude Law and poster-girl for boho chic – has become a one-woman clone industry. On the street, on the beach, in the shops, Sienna wannabes are everywhere. At a birthday party I went to this past week, nine out of ten women were wearing the Sienna uniform: dangly jewellery, Bardot hair, crochet tops, flowing skirts, turquoise-studded ethnic belts slung around the hips and, perhaps most idiotically, across-the-forehead disco headbands (worn with centre parting and mini-plaits). One or two were close to carrying it off and looked like luminous Greek goddesses. But the remaining few dozen – blessed with Great British hips, bums and tums – looked like a particularly try-hard Top of the Pops audience, circa 1976.
From secretaries to librarians, everyone is at it. And in some ways, why not? Few would argue that Sienna, 23-year-old star of the film Alfie (on the set of which she met her fiance Jude Law, fresh from his divorce from Sadie Frost) and currently garnering mixed reviews in As You Like It at the Wyndham’s Theatre, London, ever looks anything less than fabulous. Her signature style does present a wide choice: faux-fur zip-up gilets, silk tier tops, slouch boots, coin-embellished vests, panelled tunics, knot-front dresses, sequinned kaftans and ruched smocks. Unfortunately for those who would be her, however, none of these items does anything for the traditional British pear shape. How terrifying it is to see mottled, cellulite-dimpled thighs flashing under broderie anglaise mini-nighties, ample calves drooping over the edge of cowboy boots, and plump white breasts crying out for a bustier (or at least – please – a bra) while flopping listlessly under flimsy baby-doll halter-necks.
The minor detail of looking extremely unattractive does not halt the clones caught up in their very own Siennese whirl. They are too busy investing in the new internet cottage industry: “as seen on”, copycat fashion sites which trade in “Cat Deeley-inspired” handbags and “Paris Hilton-inspired” stilettos. Sienna goods are the hottest ticket on these sites. Inspired by the success of “get the look” pages in magazines such as Heat and Closer, retail sites such as Asos (As Seen on Screen), Female First and Star Fashion allow you to search by celebrity to find a cheap and cheerful copy of the latest item of clothing appearing in this week’s crop of paparazzi shots. With lightning-speed turnover, you can see your favourite celebrity’s outfit today and be wearing it tomorrow. Type in “Sienna Miller” and you get dozens of outfit choices, plus Pout mascara (£14), chandelier, three-drop earrings (£6) and butterfly pendants (£5) to complete the look.
Ironically, Sienna herself is a bit over all this. “I love clothes,” she admits, but says she is “not particularly fashion conscious”. This has not stopped US Vogue rhapsodising that she has an “intuitive sense of style that has captured a moment and excited the fashion world”. It has certainly excited the retail managers. From Accessorize to Topshop, no one has bothered stocking their outlets with anything but boho gear this season and it’s all selling out.
Fashion being what it is, Sienna’s reign will soon be over. She already pops up regularly in the worst-dressed Hall of Shame in Heat, where she used to be queen of the best-dressed slot. How long before the Sienna high-street outfits are relegated to the charity shops where she “sourced” most of her wardrobe herself?
The sooner the better. When it happens, ordinary women can stop pretending to be Legs and Co.
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