
In hindsight, it’s possible to view England’s failed World Cup bids with a certain comic detachment. Of course to the English they felt terribly serious at the time: a cruel snub, a bruise to the national ego, a reminder of what the rest of the world thinks of us. The passing of time, however, allows us to reflect on just how doomed the doe-eyed escapades were from the start.
Take the 2006 bid, for example: devoid of European support, utterly oblivious of the prevailing currents of footballing politics, and armed with only the mildest instruments of persuasion. While eventual winners Germany secured the powerful Asian bloc vote and South Africa cut a deal with the South American lobby, England flew the BBC football pundit Garth Crooks out to Bermuda to compère a dinner for the North American federation. Meanwhile, a team of Fifa inspectors visiting England in 1999 was treated to lunch with Prince Charles, a personal meeting with Hugh Grant and a performance by the singer Chris de Burgh, all of which sounds less like a lobbying tactic than an elaborate form of torture.