Scotland’s haggis-eating champion has admitted he’s pondered retirement after complaints from family and friends. Alastair Ross, from Dunkeld in Perth and Kinross, is a seven-time world champion thanks to his ability to scoff a full haggis in under 44 seconds. Yet butcher Alastair says the digestive effects of wolfing down a pound of offal mean he’s been forced to consider giving up his annual competitive eating bid. “After I’ve been in competition, it causes some problems,” said Alastair.
The Sunday Post (Ron Grant)
A whole lot of support
A farmer has been left bewildered after seven bras appeared on gates near his land. Michael Irwin, 65, said the lingerie started appearing near his land between Lerryn and Lostwithiel in Cornwall. “I really expected something to pop up on a local Facebook group explaining it was a joke, but no one’s come forward,” he said. “I’m getting all these weird jokes – people saying things like it’s a “storm in a D-cup”.”
Cornwall Live (Peter Rowlands)
Un-bear-lievable robbery
Two men have been arrested after a statue of Paddington Bear was stolen from a bench in Newbury. It was taken from the seat in the West Berkshire town where the character’s creator, Michael Bond, was born. Thames Valley Police said they had recovered the statue and that Paddington was “heading to the police station for a much needed marmalade sandwich”.
Hampshire Chronicle (Amanda Welles)
[See also: The two deaths of Brianna Ghey]
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This article appears in the 12 Mar 2025 issue of the New Statesman, Why Britain isn’t working