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9 February 2022

This England: Lovely jubbly

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

A Chinese manufacturer made 10,800 teacups, mugs and plates to mark the Queen’s 70-year reign. The only problem was the inscription.

Below a picture of Her Majesty are the words: “To commemorate the Platinum Jubbly of Queen Elizabeth II.” Given that one of Del Boy’s favourite phrases is “lovely jubbly”, the items are now being touted as perfect for fans of both the Queen and Only Fools and Horses.

The clearance website selling them comments: “These are… as you say… the Crème de la Menthe! So if you are a fan of the Queen and Del Boy… two birds with one stone.”

The stock is for sale as a bulk lot for £32,400. Cushty.

Sky News (Steve Morley)

Baking bad

Royal Mail has launched an investigation after sorting office staff appeared to be high on drugs after allegedly eating hash brownies from an unclaimed parcel.

Video footage purports to show postal workers at a delivery office in Clapham, south London, struggling to stand after consuming the cannabis-laced snacks. One of the postal workers appeared bewildered and had to be helped with his delivery trolley. 

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Metro (Catherine Dyer)

Blessing in disguise

A father has tricked his baby into drinking from the bottle – by fixing the bottle to his chest and wearing a mask of his wife’s face. Irvine Mavromara, 24, of London used the “hack” to give wife Rania, 26, a break from feeds.

Metro (Kate McIntosh)

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This article appears in the 09 Feb 2022 issue of the New Statesman, Sunak's Game