The trouble about feeling sorry for Gordon Brown is that he got in there first and has no intention of giving up the position to anyone else.
The Great Sulk emerged from two years of voluntary exile in his Scottish fastness — apart from occasional forays abroad to earn vast sums —and it was as if he had never been away.
Still the slept-in face, still the rictus grin and still the answers to questions never asked as the former Prime Minister turned up at the Leveson inquiry and promised honesty on his relations with the press.
It was as if a dam had burst as Gordon got his first chance since the General Election to say his piece about some of those who brought about his downfall.
Each short question from the rather stunned interrogator Robert Jay provoked a speech in reply and chapter and verse rebuttal from a man who denied being obsessed by the news he “barely read”.
Indeed in this rather bizarre world we learned that Gordon believes Rupert Murdoch “deserves respect” for building his media empire and the two men had a special bond because they were both “of the manse”. The Mr Nasty in the relationship was in reality Murdoch minor James, who clearly did not share his Dad’s tartan sympathies.
But even that special link must have run out when the Murdoch major said an “unbalanced” Gordon had threatened to go to war with his company after the Sun switched from Labour to the Tories in 2009.
That conversation, talked about from the same seat by his Presbyterian pal just a few weeks ago, ”did not take place” said Gordon clearly unhappy about the suggestion he had been a bit bonkers.
We learned too of his further anger at the Sun’s publication of details of his son’s cystic fibrosis which he said he now knew had clearly been leaked and which he felt he and his wife were pressurised by editor Rebekah Brooks into confirming.
But why serious socialising and partying went on well after that event between Sarah Brown and Mrs Brooks, including a pyjama party at Chequers for her 40th birthday, was because Sarah “finds the good in everyone ”.
And it was clearly Gordon’s turn to “find the good” as questions turned to the more flamboyant members of his own inner circle, special advisors Charlie Whelan and Damian McBride.
His “attack dogs”, as Robert Jay described his media managers, were nothing of the sort and were never guilty of the systematic briefings against his opponents they had been accused of said a suddenly nervous Gordon.
Indeed these other sons of the manse-clearly once, twice or even thrice removed had never briefed against Tony Blair, Alistair Darling, John Major, Old Uncle Tom Cobley and anyone else – and if they had, said Gordon, they had done so without his agreement, permission and knowledge – and it was nothing to do with him.
Were the bully boys involved in trying to force Tony’s departure from office, asked Jay.
“I would hope not,” said Gordon.
As the press in the audience fought to swallow this news of the innocence of the Whelan/McBride axis, Gordon said his ambition had been “to get rid of spin”.
As his evidence into his indifference continued you noticed that, unlike all other witnesses, Gordon rarely referred to his documents and he seemed to remember just about every detail of every slight – and indeed every email.
If there had been naughty behaviour it had been “without [his] authorisation”.
Then suddenly it was over and Gordon went back into witness protection.
Gordon had been billed as merely an aperatif for the main event – the appearance of Chancellor George to face charges that he did knowingly persuade Dave to take on Andy Coulson, former editor of the News of the World, as official mouthpiece for the Tory party.
The News of the World may well have closed in shame and Mr Coulson departed awaiting the slow but serious steps of the police but George had no apologies to give as he had his half-day in court.
Polished of face and polished of style he emerged without a glove on him well in time for the kick-off of the England game after a Bullingdon boy display of bravura.
Yes, he had met with the Murdoch menagerie on loads of occasions but never had any improper conversations about their business and the BSkyB bid.
Indeed, said George, it was “a political inconvenience” to a party half of whose newspaper backers opposed the move.
And as for Andy, who he said was still a friend although he had not “been able” to speak to him for a year, he had checked him out with Rebekah Brooks.
He’d asked Andy about phone hacking and accepted his word that nothing he had done at the News of World would come back and bite him.
And as for the endorsement of the Sun at the General Election, “I think we could have won without it,” he said.
If only Gordon could have thought the same.
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