Return to: Home | Politics | UK Politics
Dave's fat-wa downsizes the Tories
Published 04 September 2008
Pickles has taken to opening his suit jacket to show he's downsizing although, I hear from one underwhelmed gawper, he remains something of a work in progress
That jovial Tory, Eric Pickles, is not quite the man he was. The town hall porker still cuts a substantial figure, able to fill a room simply by entering it, but he's started counting the calories since Druggie Dave declared his fat-wa. Pickles has taken to opening his suit jacket to show he's downsizing although, I hear from one underwhelmed gawper, he remains something of a work in progress. The Notting Hellers around Cameron "don't do fat", as one of the posh set put it to your correspondent, so Pickles the grammar school boy wisely calculates his prospects of succeeding confused Caroline Spelman as party chairman have an inverse relationship with his waistline. Under Cameron's fat-wa the far-from-svelte Winston Churchill would have been left fighting them on the beaches from the back benches.
If air-kissing or elbow-touching were Olympic sports, then gold in 2012 would be assured for Tessa Jowell. The minister for networking is a legendary schmoozer, and is devoting her leisure hours to collecting Labour leadership promises for David Miliband. If the Foreign Secretary isn't running a campaign then perhaps he should have a word with his zealous ministerial colleague. One MP who had his arm grabbed by Jowell was urged to support the statesboy "when" he stands. Jowell's cooing reminded me that when Miliboy contemplated running against Gordon Brown last summer he asked the Sun temptress, Rebekah Wade, if Rupert Murdoch would support his candidacy. The reply was negative, yet I note that Citizen Kane is a Cold War warrior, and Miliband's baiting of the Russian bear will please the Aussie-American mogul.
Past and present TUC carthorses John Monks and Brendan Barber were in the 80,000 Denver crowd to hear Barack Obama's peroration in which the trade union-backed Democrat noticeably failed to mention the, er, trade unions. The pair should have gone to the Republican shindig. When John McCain unveiled Sarah Palin as his Republican running mate, she boasted that her hubby was "a proud member of the United Steelworkers union". In US politics the right plays the union card to attract blue-collar voters and the left ignores them to avoid unsettling the middle classes.
A man in a mac muttered that the spooks raised "an issue" with the Prime Minister when he appointed Shaun Woodward as Northern Ireland Secretary. Unionists refer to the Tory turncoat as Lord Lucan, claiming they never see the chap who gave us Druggie Dave by vacating Witney in a hurry. I'm more intrigued by what the so-called issue could conceivably be. All very mysterious.
Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror
Post this article to
We want to encourage people to comment on our content and to exchange views with other readers and hope this will be done on a courteous basis. However, if you encounter posts which are offensive please let us know by emailing comments@newstatesman.co.uk and we will take swift action where necessary.
