Stand-up comedian Al Murray has today announced – in character as the ironically-xenophobic Pub Landlord – that he’s going to be running for MP in South Thanet, against another “bloke waving a pint around, offering common sense solutions”. In a party political broadcast on behalf of “FUKP” (the “Free the United Kingdom Party”), he said:
- “1p a pint” and “1p a glass of wine (fruit-based drink for the ladies) too”.
- The pound will be revalued as being worth £1.10.
- People turning up at A&E when it’s not an accident or an emergency will “be sent to a random hospital department” to be treated instead.
- Deliberately making the UK “a whole lot worse” so that immigrants stop wanting to come to “the greatest nation on Earth”.
- Bricking up the Channel Tunnel. (“With British bricks, of course – but probably have to get some Poles in to do it. Common sense.”).
- School places allocated by “street raffle”.
- Alex Salmond to be made first minister of Norwich, “so he can understand what being ignored by the rest of the country is really like”.
- Pledging that the UK will leave Europe by 2025, and the Solar System by 2050.
- National service, “but only for those who don’t want to do it”.
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