Yes yes yes, we get it. Manifestos, press conferences, TV debates: if you’re looking for policy or PR to chew over, there’s plenty to be getting on with.
But what about the really important information — the windows on to our would-be leaders’ (and their parties’) souls?
You were there last autumn when Biscuitgate broke (and raised a suspicious eyebrow when Gordon Brown claimed not to have a favourite). You’ve been glued to Tiewatch, though it will take more than one outing in baby-blue neckwear to convince you of David Cameron’s compassion.
And while you’ve given careful consideration to the appropriate age for a PM, you’ve spent even more time contemplating the appropriate sort of wife. (A well-dressed one, of course. Two and a quarter million Google searches for “Samantha Cameron fashion”; 19,000 for “Samantha Cameron Smythson”.)
But if you’re still feeling unsure who to vote for on 6 May, the Belfast Telegraph may be able to ease your confusion. Thanks to a no doubt meticulous piece of academic research, it is able to report that Nick Clegg is the most kissable of these three married men.
Or at least the least unkissable, voted for by 16.9 per cent of the sample — of whom we know nothing except that they are “Lambrini Ladies”, a demographic defined as young, female and poorly paid.
So that’s settled, then. Vote Lib Dem, for electoral reform, an honest approach to the deficit and marginally more snoggability than the other two parties.
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