In Laurie Penny’s column for the Independent today, she argues that the security company G4S has done far worse things than simply failing to fulfil their contract to provide 10,000 security staff to the Olympics. But she also reveals that even they fall prey to gut-wrenchingly awful corporate branding:
It even has a jolly theme tune, an apparently unironic track called “G4S: securing your world”, which involves pounding synths and teeth-clenching rhymes like “let your dreams unfurl”.
Tweeter @_stux_ dug up the full video of the song. It is, appropriately, terrible, and although the video looks to have been recorded with a camera-phone during someone’s induction at the company, rest assured that only improves it:
Update, 18 July: For some reason which I am sure has nothing to do with G4S being cripplingly embarrassed, the YouTube video has been taken down. But The Internet Never Forgets, and so another version of it has been uploaded on Soundcloud instead:
In case, for some unbelievable reason, you don’t want to/can’t listen to the song, the lyrics stand alone as some of the worst ever:
You love your job and the people too
Making a difference is what you do
But consider all you have at stake
The time is now don’t make a mistake
Because the enemy prowls, wanting to attack
But we’re on the wall, we’ve got your back
So get out front and take the lead
And be the winner you were born to be
G4S! protecting the world
G4S! so dreams can unfurl
24/7 every night and day
A warrior stands ready so don’t be afraid
G4S! secure in your world
G4S! let your dreams unfurl
We’re guarding you with all our might
Keeping watch throughout the night
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Terrible.
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